Friday, August 11, 2006

Goodkind Meets 'Allo 'Allo

Enter RENE RAHL, dressed in a War Waiter outfit and polishing a glass.

Rene (to camera): What? Why are you looking at me like zat? Yes, it is true, zis is a sad comedown for an 'ero such as myself, to be polishing glasses in some occupied village, but after the events of last week what do you expect? After our escapades in ze castle trying to steal ze valuable painting of ze Dark Sister Wiz Ze Big Boobies which was 'idden in ze giant comedy sausage, zen getting caught up in ze plot to rescue ze dragon egg from ze gars (wiz hilarious consequences), I am 'appy for a bit of a rest...

[Enter NICCI, glamorous agent of La D'Haran Resistance]

Nicci (looking around suspiciously): Listen very carefully, I shall say zis only once! [canned laughter]. Ze Imperial Generals are 'aving a testicle barbecue tonight! Zis will be our chance to sneak into ze Old World and burn down all zeir cities and murder zeir children! Meet me by ze fountainhead at midnight! But first, I must 'ave a kiss!

[They snog, passionately. Enter KAHLAN, Rene's haggard old wife]

Kahlan: RENE! What are you doing wiz zat woman?!

Rene: YOU STUPID WOMAN! [canned laughter]. Can you not see I am 'elping 'er wiz 'er disguise? Wiz 'er boobies on display like zis, ze Imperial Order will never recognise 'er!

[Nicci leaves, blowing a kiss when Kahlan's back is turned. Kahlan stomps off to the kitchen.]


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