Tuesday, September 05, 2006

The Crocodile Seeker (in memory of Steve Irwin)

“Welcome to the show everyone, I’m Richard Rahl, the Seeker. On today’s show we’re going to be looking for some short-tailed Gars. They get really big, and really nasty, so I’d better be extra careful. Now, the first thing to remember is, that before you ever get a look at a Gar, you’re going to encounter its blood flies. They can really bite, but you don’t want to smack them or the Gar will know you’re around, so you just have to let them drink your blood, like this little critter is doing to me right now. Crikey! That’s some bite it’s got, but I don’t want to kill it. Now that its bitten me, I know that there’s a Gar in the area, so I’ll have to be really quiet if I want to get in for a closer look. Follow me.”

Richard crawls through the tall grass until coming to a clearing, there in the middle of it is a short-tailed Gar.

“There he is, crikey, he’s a big one. You can see how the Gar is covered in blood from his last kill. Probably a raccoon or a small child. Gar’s are mean and will eat anything. You can tell a short-tailed Gar by the thick, stubby tail and monstrous big size. Also, check out his wing span, Gar’s are excellent flyers so I’d better get him before he flies away. I’d best be real careful of his jaws. They’re powerful enough to bite my head clean off my body and his claws could tear me to pieces. While we’re here, take a look at his eyes, how the glow green. That’s for hunting Mriswith, nasty creatures who can turn invisible. All right, now you can see that his back is turned toward me, I’ll never have a better chance of taking him by surprise. LET’S GO!”

Richard runs up to the Gar and tackles it to the ground, pinning it and holding its head up for the camera.

“Crikey, it’s really mad now, I don’t know how I’m going to get away. Pinning it is one thing, but I’ll have to let go sooner or later, and then it will probably try to eat me.”

“Grrratch luuug Raaaach aaarg!” the Gar bellowed.

“Must be some sort of distress call to other Gars in the area, if this one is their leader we could soon have hundreds of the critters coming here, and that would be really dangerous. Now, I don’t want to kill him or any other Gars that come to his aid, I’m only the ‘bringer of death’ when it comes to people, I don’t like to kill animals, especially magnificent creatures like this. So I’d better just tag this one and get away before he gets really mad and all his friends show up.”

“Grrratch luuug Raaaach aaarg!” the Gar cried again.

“It’s definitely calling for help, let’s get away before they all show up. Gars can be very protective of their own, except when they try to eat each others young. That can be very nasty.” Richard clips a tag onto the Gar’s ear and dashes off back to the tall grass to hide.

“Grrratch luuug Raaaach aaarg!” is heard in the distance.

“Crikey, there will probably be hundreds of Gars here any minute, so we’d best be off. Tune in next week when we’ll be hunting for the deadly “Chicken-that-isn’t-a-chicken”, its possessed by evil chimes and has a really foul temper. Also get ready for my wife Kahlan to give birth. Our son is going to be a wizard and a Confessor, so the birth should really be something to see, especially since I expect a visit from the Witch-woman Shota. She said she’d kill our son and she has a really nasty temper, so we’ll have to be extra careful. Until then, I’m Richard Rahl, and you’re watching the Crocodile Seeker.

- The Mad Moose


Post a Comment

<< Home