Monday, August 06, 2007

Little-known facts about the Sword of Truth

Contributors: The Mad Moose, Mindonner, Jaxom 1974, Myshkin, Agulla, VigoTheCarpathian, The Wolf Maid

-When Richard and Kahlan are having sex, Richard repeatedly whispers "bringer of death". Kahlan thinks its sexy.

-Zedd's overeating and skinny frame are a result of an eating disorder which goes back to his days as a runway model.

-Zedd claims that in the great war both sides called him "the wind of death", but this nickname actually goes back further to the fact that Zedd made the nastiest chili in the wizard's keep.

-According to Richard, the first edict of being a war wizard is "cut". The others are "a-ho, aha, guard, turn, parry, dodge, spin, thrust."

-The Mriswith are supposedly great powerful wizards from long ago who gave up all their magical powers in order to become invisible. What nobody has noticed yet is that this is incredibly retarded.

- Gratch is actually a great, eloquent gar philosopher. It pleases him to slum it among the idiot humans and pretend to be a bit stoopid. His hilarious anecdotes about that dumb war wizard get him invited to all the best gar parties.

- The namble has a sideline advertising Marks & Spencers loincloths with reinforced gusset; all inferior underwear gets ripped up by the barbs in less than an hour.

- After running around for months in the same sweaty red leather outfits, the Mord Sith reek and no-one will go near them.

- 3 out of every 4 Sisters of the Dark are afraid of the dark and prefer to sleep with nightlights on.

- The Sword of Truth is actually only 4 1/2 inches long, but Richy tells everyone it's 6.

- When she was a teenager, Kahlan used her Confessor powers to force beggars and orphans to do her chores. After her chore-slave was done, she ordered them to dig a hole and bury themselves in it.

- Although it may seem like they have good reasons for getting naked (to go into battle against a numerically superior force wearing nothing but paint, showing boobs to come in and kill wizards, etcetera), all the women in SoT are secretly just exhibitionist sluts.

- Samuel is Gollum's less successful step brother.

- Originally, Kahlan was going to be saved from the not-a-chicken (which was possessed by a chime) by a not-a-bald-eagle (that was possessed by moral clarity). However, this would've taken away from Richard's glory, so the scene was eliminated with extreme prejudice.

- The alternate to the statue Richard carves in Faith of the Fallen was a gigantic penis labelled "Freedom and Individuality", entering a puckered, scarred, and diseased anus marked "Communism, Collectivism, and Liberals" instead of just two people standing there.

- TG's initial vision for gars involved them speaking Spanish. It was supposed to be a heavy-handed and obvious parallel for how terrible he thinks immigration in the US is. However, this was cut for space reasons because it would've added 150 pages of Richard speeches to the book.

- In the final book of the trilogy-that-is-not-a-trilogy Confessor, any new characters will be named to by their stereotype (for instance, Zedd would have been "Wise Old Wizard").

- Most of SOT readers read the books just for the story and don't care for its philosophy (neither they do care for the writing it would seem).

- Almost all SOT readers are completely convinced that they are reading fantasy.

- Unconfirmed information points out that Terry Goodkind never reads fantasy. He has someone else read Robert Jordan's WOT books to him while he is writing his unique SOT.

- It is said that Terry Goodkind is a very kind man when you meet him in person, and that it's his evil twin the one that answers his on-line interviews for him.

- There are rumors about Terry Goodkind running for president of the USA in a near future.

- There is actually a plant called moral celery in the SoT world.

- In the SoT world, almost-rape happens so often to women it can almost be said as a form of hello.

- Richard Rahl and Kahlan Amnell are in fact based on real people. Really.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

The only Fantasy Terry Goodkind writes is when he puts "Author" after his name

2:48 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you go write 11 very successful fantasy-based books before bitching about his works to be perfectly honest.

5:58 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

comment above mine: why don't you write 11 best selling novels before telling someone to do vice versa :p

4:46 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

terry goodkind is amazing.

6:14 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is awesome. The part about making Kahlan ride into battle with a bunch of little boys, naked, with no real reason other than to shock and awe the enemy... yeah, you hit the nail on the head here.

8:12 pm  

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